Sometimes it feels as if the world is just too much. I was even feeling this long before we were adapting to life during a global pandemic. But let’s scale this way back. To just the everyday issues that pop up.
You know, the issues that happen at home but don’t seem to stay there. The ones that seem to hitch a ride with you to work, or on your daily errands. Issues don’t just happen at home they can happen at work. When you are out doing your thing, trying to mind your own business, something pops up and then you bring it home. They get tough to shake off. If you are human you are not immune to this feeling. At least smile at the fact that you are not alone.
There are days that I feel like I do not have the mental space for my own issues, let alone anyone else’s. There are times when people just want to talk about their issues or problems. Just to get it off their chest. Most of the time I’m ready to listen. I’m able to turn the coffee pot on, pull up a chair and be a really good friend.
Sometimes, I am physically there in the conversation, but my mind is not. I have a super intuitive friend who is so in touch with her emotions. She has actually started phone conversations with, “Do you have the headspace for this?”
MENTAL SPACE
Ummmm… Thank you! Wow, that was unexpected. Then I have to pause to take a second to actually see what’s going on in my own brain. That simple question is one of the kindest things a friend can do for you. She gave me a gift, she gave me a minute to think. She knows that whether she gets it off her chest tonight or tomorrow morning we’re going talk about whatever is on her mind. It’s something that we’re going to work through together as friends.
Stopping to ask if someone has a headspace to listen, is so wonderfully considerate. Her, “Do you have the headspace for this” question gave me time. It allowed me to forget what my thoughts were and the creation of the to-do list I was making in my head stop. I was able to pause. It is a powerful question and gets you to sit up a little straighter in your chair and really lean into the conversation.
So think about using that tool when you want to share, overshare, vent or unload on your family or friends. It is a fast question that can change the outcome of the conversation and get you the feedback or the sympathetic ear you need.
HOW DO WE ASK FOR KINDNESS AND A LITTLE PATIENCE?
Somedays I want to wear a great big sign on my shirt that says “don’t talk to me I’m not in the mood.” That isn’t really what I wanna say. In the moment, what’s happening is that I just don’t have the space. I also know I’m not gonna be helpful to that person because I’m kind of hanging on myself. That feeling when someone you love is sick. You over-committed your time. Your to-do list is too long. You have a deadline at work. I can keep going but you know the feeling.
BE GENTLE TO YOURSELF
Recently, I was talking to one of my friends about when you just don’t want to participate in whatever is going on in life. To clarify there is a little bit of an age difference between us of 10+ years. Maybe me having 10+ years on her allows me to let shit go more. But, I could tell that she was dealing with her own stuff. Which made it near impossible to try to deal with other people’s stuff. I thought for a minute. Wow, I wish I could just tell people to leave her alone, and that she just needs a few days to cocoon. This is how I describe that time for yourself, away from people. That alone time that lets you sort it out in your head. For some of us, it’s a hot bath, screaming in your car, crafting, cooking, or maybe even exercise. It doesn’t matter how you get there.
How can we get other people to understand what’s going on? There are times when you haven’t even processed your thoughts and feelings enough in your head to be able to share it with others. You just really need some space to deal with what’s going on in your head. How can I ask for help? Hmmm… maybe I’ll send a press release? Take out an ad in the local paper? Call into a radio show? Scream it in the streets? Nah… that will take to long and I’m kinda lazy.
I thought about that shirt and I thought about how I could get the message that people need to have a little bit more respect for our boundaries. That’s when the idea of the “Fragile: Handle with Care” T-shirt was born.
WEARING YOUR HEART ON YOUR SLEEVE
Wearing something literally on your heart, on your chest on your body that says, Fragile: Handle with Care. This simple shirt can open up an entirely different conversation. It opens up a discussion of “ Hey wow I like your shirt, and oh are you breakable?”
Yes, I am breakable and I’ve just been kind of dealing with a lot lately. You know… filling in literally any blank. Or just to simply say yeah I was kind of feeling vulnerable this morning. I wore this shirt as a reminder that I need to be gentle with myself today and I hope that others will be gentle with me too.
Will this work all the time? Definitely not. It will though, make me feel like I am telling the people around me how I am feeling. Sometimes we just need to let people in a little more, let them know we need a little TLC. The shirt is just meant to be a reminder to be gentle. A reminder to change the perspective of how we will approach people and situations during the day. A reminder that we have the power to change the day.
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